All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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