The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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