well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
