Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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