Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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