It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
