Pappa wants mamma naked
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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