Welp...herpes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
