I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
