haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
