I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the liver wants what the liver wants
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
