Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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