next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
