I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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