One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
