I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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