she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
