do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Mom said you looked used
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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