our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
