let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
