I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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