dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
soo... how was my night?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
