I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
