all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
