so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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