Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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