we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize