I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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