Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
