I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
