so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
