Little spoons don't ask big questions
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
