I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
