I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
