Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
