i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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