You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
