Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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