yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
