ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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