this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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