ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
