fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
