I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
