12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
