I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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