I'm jealous of your bromance
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
