I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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