singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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