don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
