im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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