There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
