like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
