now i know why i became what i already was.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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