Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
