Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
