he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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