oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
