is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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